I have two alarm clock settings, one is husband and the other is husband.
Until recently I haven’t needed an alarm clock. Actually, that’s not entirely true, I’ve needed one, I’ve just always used my husband’s watch/phone/spidey senses.
Probably because if I need to get up early the next day he asks me, “What time do you need to get up?” And then he sets an alarm.
He’s an all-inclusive self-setting alarm clock snooze button. What a catch. He also folds laundry.
I’ve long thought, “How selfless is this man that he is concerned about when I wake up?!”
It deepened my love. Our love.
Until recently when the discussion somehow turned toward alarm clocks. He was (as usual) setting his alarm for me to get up for the mock tri that was to occur early in the morning and it takes 45 minutes to get there.
Our conversation as follows:
Him (as usual): What time do you need to get up?
Him: (state of disbelief): How about 6:15?
Me: Why, you don’t think I’ll get up at 5:45?
Him: You never get up at 5:45.
Me (somewhat off topic): Anyways, I was thinking about getting an alarm clock but I can’t find one that doesn’t shine its red LED light into my piehole. It needs a good dimmer. And also I don’t want to pay more than $20 for it. Those are one of those useless things that cost money that you don’t want to spend.
Him: I don’t think it’s useless. Just do it.
Me: (Perplexed) Why?
Him: BECAUSE I’M YOUR SNOOZE BUTTON.
So then tell me how you really feel.
Apparently we’ve been harboring some resentment at our wife.
So in the name of domestic tranquility, I bought an alarm clock yesterday.
And I really did mean it, it’s hard to find one to fit all my specifications! Acceptable dimmability, needs an AM/FM option, definitely with a cord and plug (we can’t rely on batteries here), and most importantly, cheap. You’d be surprised at how hard this is!
I’ve been to Target, Wal Mart and a bunch of other stores.
I finally settled on this alarm clock from Bed Bath & Beyond, it’s the same one I bought for my now-6 year old when he was 2 and I wanted him to stay in bed until “the first number is at least a 6! Otherwise, it’s still sleepy sleepy time!” (We had limited success in keeping him there until it said “6,” hence the other reason I haven’t really needed an alarm clock.)
The alarm clock plays nature sounds. It projects the time on the ceiling (a feature I find sort of unnecessary) in addition to having a soft blue glow (a feature I find very necessary) instead of a bright red light shining into my piehole. I have been anti-red-light since the days when I was nursing and I had to turn the clock facing away from me in the middle of the night because the red was so bright and I was angry at its sub-par dimming option.
I had long said I didn’t want to spend more than $20 on an alarm clock and I don’t know why I’m being so cheap here. It’s probably because I don’t want to invest in something that’s I’m going to direct hatred toward at 5:45 in the morning.
This one was $29.99 but I had my 20% off coupon, so I spent just over $20 (whatever the math on that is. I don’t really do math, especially when percentages are involved.)
So I guess this will be a win-win for everyone.
What I really wish this clock had though was a “husband” feature, with an arm that came out of it that gently nudged you and whispered, “Honey it’s time to get up.” And also it wouldn’t get mad at me for pressing “snooze” or harbor resentment toward me for being my alarm clock. And also it would look out for me and know that I was about to embark on one snooze too many. You know, the one that makes you late.
Can they make one like that?
Because I’d totally buy that.
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