The Monday Manifesto: Punctuation (or lack thereof) Can Be Insulting.

It’s National Punctuation Day! How Are You Celebrating?!

Words, in my opinion, are like black pants.

They can be dressed up or dressed down with punctuation.

I’ll demonstrate.

No, wait.

I’LL DEMONSTRATE!!!

(Did you see my use of jazz hands and sparkly headbands in there with that second example? You did? HOORAY!!!!)

You see, I have a deep love and respect for all things words and punctuation. I rarely fail to punctuate.

In fact, it’s quite the opposite; I use both of them frequently (sometimes frivolously) in writing to express myself because they very accurately depict my mood and/or attitude toward situations at hand. (Punctuation can do this for you too!)

Punctuation is so easy to use (a caveman can do it!) It’s so powerful, it can tell you what’s important. And what’s important!

It can wonder. It can tell. It can yell! It can whisper.

Punctuation can be very moody.

Punctuation can also show respect, or lack thereof, as I’ve recently realized.

You see, punctuation in a communication can be like a handshake.

Using punctuation is like extending your hand.

It’s nice to meet you. I respect you. This meeting is important to me. And even if it’s not, I respect that we are meeting right now.

The lack of punctuation, however, is like a cold fish handshake (all limp and wimpy and such) or like when someone just stares at your hand as you’re extending yours. It’s almost insulting.

It says, I don’t find you pleasing enough to spend even one more millisecond on you. So there.

I discovered this recently when I received an email in a business capacity from a sender, (whom I’ll call “Sender” in this scenario) who I already perceived to be less than lukewarm toward me to be honest. Sender did not offer a period at the end of the one word sentence. (The horror!)

In fact, there wasn’t even capitalization! *gasp* Which is a whole ‘nother story, I mean, I won’t even get into the blatant lack of words in general, there was just zero effort put forth into this communication at all.

But no punctuation? I know. Seriously.

You’ve just solidified your feelings toward me. I get it now.

Fine.

You don’t like me? You do not find me worthy of your punctuation? Your capitalization?

But that cannot be! I’m most definitely reading this wrong! (My bad!)

The reason for your lack of punctuation must be that you only have time to write in uncapitalized one word sentences without punctuation because there is someone dying in the other room you have to attend to. You don’t have time! The use of punctuation is a matter of life and death! I get it! Go save your friend, Sender! Don’t waste another second!

Oh. No one’s dying?

OK, then I’m so sorry, I know what it is. It must be that you have (sadly and tragically) been delivered a keyboard without a period key! *shudder* (Oh dear God I cannot conceive how you must feel. I’d give you a hug right now if I could.)

What?! What’s more is that the keyboard also doesn’t contain a shift key and you just happened to have sent me the email whilst your other, fully functional keyboard, was in transit? I know how this wait must be killing you! It’d be killing me too! Someone must pay!

Perhaps you don’t hate me as much as I think you do, perhaps you’re just an anti-punctuation-ite.

Perhaps you were attacked by punctuation, it scarred you for life, and you have refused to ever use it again. I can see how an experience with punctuation like that would affect you!

Perhaps you’ve simply run out of energy by the time you got to the end of the sentence! (Hey, it happens, you have a lot going on! I get that!)

Oh.

No? None of that?

I see.

*sigh*

Well.

Honestly I just can’t understand the chronic underuse of punctuation, it baffles me.

What is a sentence without punctuation?!

It’s naked

unfinished

It gives me the heebies, how can a person leave a sentence out in the cold to die like that?!

And then, even worse, how can you deliver it this way to someone?!

(Am I over thinking this? YES! OF COURSE I AM! Who thinks this much about punctuation, it’s lunacy!)

But seriously.

You don’t have to like me. You don’t even have to respect me, but please, for God’s sake, USE PUNCTUATION! If not for me, then for the poor little shriveled, unfinished sentence that’s starving out in the cold! On Christmas!

You can just imagine my response to that email, by the way. I’m sure you must now know what I did. I fired back without even thinking it through.

I DIDN’T USE ANY PUNCTUATION BACK.

That’s right.

Deliberately.

No period.

SO THERE.

ZING. 

(Of course with all things when you zing someone back –and in this case taken your anger out on a perfectly healthy, happy sentence that did nothing to deserve no punctuation – I immediately regretted it.I felt guilty. I shouldn’t have done that to a sentence. It was wrong. But Sender doesn’t have to know that.) 

Just know, Sender, that was me not bothering to waste any of my perfectly good punctuation on you.

So take THAT.

My intentional lack of punctuation is offensive, isn’t it?

Happy National Punctuation Day everyone! Make sure to celebrate! Send punctuation to a friend today and show them (and a sentence) how much you care!

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