I saw Coldplay last night and I wore my dress. It was a good call, thank you for your virtual help in my virtual panic. I decided to forgo the fakey eyelashes because the ones I bought made me realize there is a fine line between hot eyelashes and drag queen.
Of course, like at all concerts for me, there was a point somewhere in the middle which reminded me of the good things in life, like at this point in my life, being thankful about not leaving the party early.
I know that in a religious sense, you’re not supposed to get attached to this body or this world, but it’s hard not to, isn’t it? These are the things that even the mention of the cansuh in relation to yourself will make you think about, you think about leaving the party early when things are just getting started or when everyone else is still there having a grand old time.
Lately Ive gotten to really thinking about the things I love about this world. And there really are many.
This post has been in my head for a while and I want to share something with you. Beg something of you, really.
You see, these are things I used to believe, that I’ve long suspected, but now I know them as truth. And I don’t want anyone to have to go through hearing they have the cansuh before they realize it for themselves. I wish it didn’t take that for me.
The first thing is, and I think the most important thing I beg of you is to ask yourself, “SELF, what are we doing right now? Do we love this or do we hate this?”
And if the answer is hate, or simply if the answer is not LOVE, I beg you just to stop. This, THIS is where the journey begins. I really do in my heart of hearts mean it for anything, too, a relationship, a job, a commitment, but I overwhelmingly mean it when it comes to a job. For years I equated my sense of worth with my job, it was, after all my passion. Or at least it started out that way. When it became less of a passion but more just simply the only thing I knew, I feared leaving it. But leaving it was the best thing I’ve ever done because it led me to my now. If fear is the reason you’re staying, if it’s the fear that you’re not good enough for anything else or fear of the unknown, that is not the reason for staying. I promise you. I’ve watched so many people year after year day after day going to a place of dread every single day, completely forgoing their personal search for mission and purpose.
Things like fear and unhappiness are the very things that take up so much unnecessary space and energy in our lives where we should be making room for the good stuff. There’s plenty of the good stuff yet we all seem to stick with the yucky out of fear.
Because of course if something is at the very least just “working” (it’s fine, really…I mean, if it’s not broken why fix it, right?) or if it’s just the only thing you know and feel comfortable in, it’s probably the scariest thing in the world to leave it. What would you do instead? That question is ominous! It’s confusing! There are too many options! And what’s my happiness worth anyway? I probably don’t even have the right to be happy! These are all things I’ve thought about for myself.
And I don’t have the answer for any of that except to say two things: 1. You have the right to be happy, you’re the only one living your life after all you might as well be happy doing it! and 2. Choose ANYTHING ELSE that you don’t hate, while having faith that if you get out, you’ll be guided somehow toward the place you love. Leaving means you’re at least opening the door and taking a step, even if you don’t find it right away.
I don’t have the answers to the big questions of how we’ll all get there or when or the means (money & time always seem to make things look impossible), I have never had the answers to them ever, I simply have had faith that it’s possible. Possible to live a life you love and faith that if I left what I didn’t like, I’d some how be guided toward the thing I loved.
And I have.
I wholeheartedly believe the following:
“Anything less than mad, passionate, extraordinary love is a waste of time. There are too many mediocre things in life to deal with and love shouldn’t be one of them.” ― Tiffanie DeBartolo
Not only should love not be one of them (we should never compromise on love) but neither should our lives. Whatever our purpose is for ourselves, “Anything less than mad, passionate, extraordinary love is a waste of time.”
Things I am mad and passionate about:
- My husband
- My boys
- My family
- My writing, in any capacity whatsoever, whether it’s on the back of a receipt, a notebook or right here. And even if it sucks to someone else.
My mom used to tell us as kids that we could do anything, be anything we wanted in the whole wide world. Ever. That we couldn’t fail at anything we were passionate about. Because of her, I’ve believed that my whole life. I believe it now.
Here’s where I get all “high school graduation speech” and “Jerry Maguire Mission Statement” on you and I apologize for that but I really mean this from my infinite soul, I beg you to GO FIND THAT THING YOU’RE MEANT TO DO AND DO IT.
I beg you to stop being unhappy in whatever it is you’re doing. I guarantee you that things will come along to make you unhappy, all on their own, things that we can’t control at all and we don’t really need to help misery’s cause, things suck sometimes and that’s just the way it is. We don’t need to be fanning the flames of misery in our own lives. What we all need to do is make some space so that when the misery comes, we can deal with it instead of it adding to our own misery, the kind of misery we can control.
I beg you to find out where you’re meant to be. And know that if there’s any question whatsoever, you’re in the wrong place.
I know I’m meant to be sitting here right now, exactly where I am in my life, saying this to you. I just do. You might be thinking this is all a hunk of crap but I guarantee when something bigger than you stands there and tells you that you might have to leave the party early, you’ll be scrambling in your mind to change all the things that make you unhappy so you can appreciate your “now” and find your greater purpose. Because you have one. We all do.
Being able to walk away from things in my life that have made me unhappy has given me the gift of having no regrets. No questions. No what ifs. Honestly, if I left the party right now, yes there would be plenty I’d miss, there would be things I didn’t get to do that are on a list, tiny little boy futures I wouldn’t be a part of which would be heartbreaking all on its own, but I’d know and have complete and utter faith that I absolutely have zero regrets.
I have followed my heart and my faith.
Knowing these things has made me appreciate what I have now which are two little tiny boy lives I’m going to be a part of for as long as life will have me, what’s ahead of me, and most importantly, NOW.
Letting go of things that are just not important.
I am not even asking, I’m begging and it’s because there is just such a finite amount of time to do it that if you haven’t been doing it all along, you’d better get cracking. Look at all the things that stand in your way of other things, HAPPIER things, and remove them one by one. Start small. Gain courage for more.
GO FIND THAT THING YOU’RE MEANT TO DO AND DO IT. Go do things that make you happy and nothing less, ever.
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