The Makeover.

Yay! My roots are gone! Last week I finally got a “makeover” so to speak which is really just the “return to the land of normal people” since my last dye/nail job wayyy before surgery.

It hath been way too long.

My wonderful mother-in-law told me to go get “the works,” (thank you!!) and I now have fresh blonde hair, no unibrow, and beautifully done nails.

I told her “thank you.” She told me she was tired of seeing my roots and that it was in everyone’s best interest. She was kidding though.

(Right?)

I was getting pretty hideous though.

Hotness, right?

It was an afternoon to myself. No worries. No kids. Just me and a phone that was dying. (Drat! Don’t you hate not being able to Facebook while you’re waiting!?)

It felt really weird and I had a hard time not wanting to rush home on account of the mom guilt. As if they can’t be without me for a couple of hours or something.

So I get my hairs did and head to my favorite nail place. The last time I got my nails done there, they didn’t chip for 6 weeks. No joke. It was the UV gel type and it was magical, it lasted through surgery and recovery. No matter how disgusting I felt, at least I had nice nails.

So I’m at my nail place and I’m getting all comfy and whatnots and you know how there are usually large screen tvs hanging on the walls? This place had  at least 4 of them and I am in the comfy massage chair without the massagey part because I don’t really like vibrating in my chair in front of everyone. And I’m settling into my chair and I breathe in deeply because I’m about to have my nails done. Hooray!

Meantime I realize from the screaming coming from the speaker blasting right above me that all of the tvs have one of those criminal cop mystery murder solving shows on. Oh yay.

Now I don’t mind these shows every once in a while at home, but honestly they stress me out what with all the hacking and the stabbing and the mystery solving and the police getting so close and then not, IT’S STRESSFUL! There’s the creepy music, phone messages left by victims, screaming, the whole kit and caboodle. And I really don’t see how this can be relaxing and so I can’t help feeling as I sit there that my sanctuary has been violated.

Especially because it was about crazy people “hunting” women who had blonde hair. Seriously. 

I don’t want to ruin it for anyone who might be intently watching, so I scan the ladycrowd. I don’t want to rain on anyone’s parade by asking the lady to change it to something, I don’t know, more peaceful. I’ll take Curious George at this point. Anything. Nat Geo? The Kardashians? The good thing about these modern times is our vast selection of channels.

So I see a woman reading, a woman with headphones on and a woman with her eyes closed probably on account of the stabbing on tv is all I can think. It appears none of us are really watching it and I decide to do the lean over and I whisper gently to the lady doing my toes, “I’m sorry, I never do this really (because I don’t, seriously), but I’m wondering, is it possible to change the channel?”

I asked her in the same tone as I ask servers for a straw at a restaurant, it’s usually somewhat apologetic like I am totally putting them out for even asking.

And she looks at me and she says something I don’t understand to the guy next to us who is doing the other lady’s nails, the one with her eyes closed, and then she changes to English and says, “Can you change channel?” to the guy and he looks directly at me sort of snarkily because I suppose now I know who was watching it. And he says to me, “To WHAT.” Which was more of an exclamation than a question. He is obviously annoyed at my request. Too bad.

I laugh because I assume he is catching on to the fact that stabbing is not relaxing and we are all here to sort of be relaxing, and I say, “Anything?” with a chuckle and now I’m sort of in disbelief because I realize that no! He’s not getting it at all!

Finally, the show is now wrapping up, they’re closing in on the perp when he finally changes it and I’m thankful anyway because I see it was about to be back-to-back episodes. He changes it to the news. Which is great! I’m a newsperson! Except that there was a triple fatal car accident, a robbery where a gunman pointed a gun at a one-year-old (I wish I were kidding), and some other awful brutal crime all back to back in a row and so then I just sort of shake my head laughing because why wouldn’t there be? By the way, I’m not this guy’s friend anymore.

By now I’m wondering which is better, the fake stuff or the real and decide that none of it is and why couldn’t he have just put on HGTV.

But whatever, it’s over and I have great nails and no roots.

Right?

The end result:

Thanks for the great Mother’s Day present!

I feel human again.

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