Clarity.

In a 5 minute moment in the days following my first doctor’s appointment, I had a moment of clarity.

Suddenly things that had become important to me were no longer as important and the things that I had brushed aside for another day that I always promised I’d come back to suddenly became priority.

It was as if time stood still and it had all become clear.

I almost immediately put the business I had been growing on hold. My family asked me why and I really couldn’t say. I just knew I had to.

A sort of panic erupted within me and a bucket list had begun to form but it was less of a bucket list and more of a to-do list. It wasn’t about things like skydiving or going to Hawaii or doing an Ironman, nothing mid-life crisis-y like that. It was about picking up my sons from school and spending more time with them and going fishing with my dad and having lunch with my mom and finally fixing up our backyard hovel.

Not missing a baseball game because I had more work to do.

All those things in my life that I had shelved because of course I knew there would be a later.

Suddenly the summer full of camps I was lining up for them so I could work became the last way in the world I wanted to spend it, I wanted to take them to the museum and the beach and on a road trip to see my sister.

Swim lessons and playing in my newly fixed up backyard.

THIS is what became important. In just 5 minutes, it had all become clear.

I bought this glass rock years ago because clarity is so important to me. “Clarity” is sort of my word. When I have clarity it means that what I am doing at that exact moment is the right thing for me. And that I have found my answer.

Through all of this, at least I’ve found that.

My to-do list has written itself and I realized this as I sat there watching my 4 year old score a goal this morning with my 6 year old on my lap.

I realized it as I made cinnamon pancakes in the shape of bowling pins and a bowling ball with my 4 year old standing on a chair next to me at the stove with his “railroad” apron on and his crazy chef hat that hung over his eyes.

I realize it over and over again when they are running around shirtless with their unusually high-pitched voices pretending to crash their planes or drive their cars or whatever it is they’re doing that’s usually too loud (but not, because they’re boys and that sort of comes with the territory.)

It became a mission to live in my millions of moments that I didn’t have time for before.

I’ve spent the last 6 years trying to figure out what to do with my life and it’s been right in front of my face the whole time.

This morning I found clarity.

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