29 Years of No Lost Keys (A Vacation Tale)

Speaking of vacation (or the end of vacation actually), I don’t know about you, but I come from a family that lost something on every vacation.

I can’t think of what right off the top of my head but inevitably everything was always so chaotic and messy on vacation that something would end up lost and even though I can’t remember the items that were lost, I do remember the crying and the feelings of loss, probably over a Counting Crows tape or a walkman or (oh, wait I DO remember now!) a driver’s license someone would need in order to fly home, something like that. You know. Unimportant stuff.

Between my mom, dad, sister and I, I remember we all tried to be orderly at the beginning of vacation, if that counts for something.

Everything would always look great, the new luggage, the new “vacation” clothes, we’d keep everything in our suitcases all lined up until the 2nd or 3rd day when the luggage would all be throwing up all over the floor and every surface was covered in jewelry, makeup, receipts, papers, etc etc etc etc etc.

It really didn’t take long, come to think of it.

And then something would be lost and we’d be tearing through the mess trying to find it.

About 2% of the time, we’d find it when we returned home, but most of the time it was lost forever (and maybe I’d have to have my husband fed-ex me my passport or I’d have to try to use my Sam’s Club ID at the airport, which I did and which has worked. That’s a little scary.)

Yes, this is a problem that has plagued my family and myself well into adulthood.

Here’s the thing.

I married into a family that never lost anything on vacation.

Imagine introducing a family who never lost anything on vacation to a family who always lost something on vacation.

I’m surprised they still like us.

On this particular vacation (I “forgot” to mention in the vacation post), the lost item was a key. A real metal key, not a hotel key. The kind they charge for and have to change locks for.

I don’t mind losing my own things, but a key really annoys me.  Because that means we’ll have to pay for it and that really really annoys me.

Of course when we learn of a lost key, all eyes turn to me and I’m still not sure I’m exactly responsible but when you introduce the non-losing-anything family with a losing-something-family, you’re the immediate suspect.

It’s really not fair.

So of course the process begins of tearing up everything that’s already been packed up and ready to go. Because of course I proudly kept tabs on the key for the entire vacation, right up until the last day. An hour before we were to walk out the door to be precise.

And the interrogation begins. My husband keeps making comments and I wonder if my husband is interrogating me in order to jar a memory or to accuse me (perhaps both). But I just let it go and keep looking. Why is it my fault?

And then he starts to go through my bags, of course which I have already looked through and packed nicely and it really bugs me to watch him rifling through my stuff.

And he walks out in a huff (after rearranging the insides of all my bags) and I sit on the floor and think, Come on, I mean really, in 29 years of coming to the same place every.single.year, surely they’ve lost ONE of the keys before.

Right?

And my face gets hot.

I haven’t even had my coffee yet.

Eventually I magically get a picture in my mind of the key at the pool and I think maybe we brought the key to the pool but I don’t remember leaving with it personally, I think I assumed my husband had it and so I suggest walking by the pool on the way to the office to report the lost key because that’s what he was going to do.

Well what do you know.

My husband and boys see something glistening in the sun in the distance underneath the chair where we sat yesterday and yes it’s totally amazing it was still there, it was 9 a.m. the next day when they found it and it was 4 P.M. when we left it, and there was a crazy amount of people at the pool all day yesterday and in between.

I was of course relieved we found the key. (Hey, don’t look at me! Why is it my fault it was left? We were all there!)

Anyway of course I could finally relax, eat breakfast, drink coffee and try to wake up a little before we leave for home.

So I’m drinking my coffee and laughing at him having accused me while interrogating me when he replies with “Well in 29 years, we’ve never lost a key!”

Well there it was.

I guess I saw that coming.

(Don’t I get a prize for not losing it until the last day? Not that it was my fault.)

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